And so it begins…

I was trying to decide where to start. Been doing that for about 3 years now. Here in my world so untouched by human connection. Built up over time as my cage became perpetually smaller. Cycles can’t be broken when your in a cage. Or anything that engulfs you in it’s never ending loop. Smooth all the way through. What are you gonna do? When you have no one to show you? When you think there is no one on this planet who will ever truly know you.

It’s the right time but the wrong place. The very place you now sit in your cage. Calling out in vein. Pleading and begging.

For that one to hear you. The one who you know understands you. It HAS to be true. Because what you believe makes too much sense not to.

So what do you do? You call out until hope no longer comes to you. When you’ve run out of moves. Don’t know what to do.

You can’t heal until someone HEARS you. We ask for help when we don’t know what to do. SO if you don’t know me, well, I’m doomed.

And these days it seems less and less that human connection is even a thing. Authentically, I mean.

Because you were never allowed to be. The person you were naturally. It was punished more than anything. Then they wonder why your isolating? As time goes on, resilience starts dissipating.

The smaller your cage gets, the less of everything you get. Yet, they still expect. So you continue to wear and tear. Still unheard. And the more you learn, the more you yearn. For that person. The one you think you don’t deserve. Because for some reason who you were was never good enough. They call that self-esteem. you wear your protective gear that’s begun to tear. Everywhere.

Your excitement seen as sickness. Your unwillingness to accept without question seen as authority problem. Your isolation seen as neurotic and depressive. Your intrinsic moral compass is seen as know it all/difficulty getting along with others and/or sensitive.

The need for human connection.